Foodie Friday: Snap, Crackle, and pop deserve a beat down

30 Oct

[read time: 4 minutes]immunity-haha-are you friggin' kidding me? photo credit: empress tazima.

and Rakim (of Eric B and Rakim) says “you could get a smack for this”

my friends and colleagues have heard me use the phrase “it’s like putting frosting on a dog poop cupcake” to refer to positive thinking without doing the underlying work.  another is to masquerade one’s hot garbage as something beneficial.

the picture to the right, my friends, is a proverbial chocolate frosted dog poop cupcake!

walk with me…
a couple weeks ago,  i subjected myself to the rare and exquisite self-torture of a stroll through the cereal aisle at my local conventional grocery store.

self-torture? absolutely: having worked for these fools, i know far too much about food companies, the source of the boxes that line these aisles, as well the implications of non-wholesome products housed therein.  exquisite? yes, i kind of love working myself up around food issues and then ranting about it; hence this blog post… god bless the internet.  please read on…

during said stroll, i encountered the perplexing [i may as well say, vexing] display evidenced at right and captured it on my phone’s camera with reasonable fidelity.  the confident and almost authoritative bold “true-blue” text on these labels reaffirmed that, not only have nutritionists and food scientists lost their “natural born minds”…  but they [at least the ones at this company] have also collectively decided to broadcast this tragic loss on millions of tiny billboards they refer to as packaging.


am i actually seeing this B.S.?!  are they friggin’ serious?!  who authorized this dumb-ass label?!

even worse than the label is the likely situation that produced the label:  employees tasked with product reformulation and health-claim package re-design project seeking a meager increase in already modest profit margins.  i can see them now: a team of overworked, underpaid, stressed-out dietitians, nutritionists, food scientists, marketers, and lawyers, in various states of dis-ease, deliberating over low quality cookies and overpriced coffee or addictive diet cola.   no wonder they lost their natural born minds; they need better cookies and some water!  [see last week’s Foodie Friday post for more on high quality cookies.]

somewhere, from a distant memory, the UNCF reminds me that “a mind is a terrible thing to waste.” and i am certain it’s even terrible-er to waste several minds and hundreds of thousands of dollars for a marketing campaign to convince concerned moms of america that fighting the flu with natural and artificially flavored, chocolate-coated, sugar laden, extruded rice, and topping it with mucus-producing, hormone-filled conventional dairy milk is a good idea.  i’m thinking: not-so-much.

this product, clever readers, is NOT going to help you fight H1N1. and i know you know this.  my concern is for those who do not.  the mom, just trying to be a good parent, misled by snap, crackle, and pop.

you want to boost your immunity? the answer is nothing new:

  1. eat vegetables – especially green ones
  2. eat fruit – a lot more
  3. drink water – use a reusable stainless container
  4. get rest – go to sleep earlier
  5. make love – both literally and figuratively
  6. laugh – loudly and with people you care about
  7. move your body – especially in nature

quit talking about doing better. raise the standards of how you treat your body today.  if you do the steps i mentioned, you’ll get a lot more crap out of your system, increase your energy, and your immune system will easily be able kick some H1N1 ass.

© Copyright 2009

3 Responses to “Foodie Friday: Snap, Crackle, and pop deserve a beat down”

  1. Meechie Jenkins October 30, 2009 at 11:50 am #

    It’s been years since I ventured into the inner recesses of a conventional grocery store. Maybe I live in a bit of a bubble, but all I can say is wow. There REALLY are processed foods that bear health claims! And it’s not a seemingly healthy food like Special K, which looks innocuous if you don’t know about food processing. No, It’s shite like Cocoa Crisps that purport to raise immunity. I wonder how the manufacturers of Cocoa Crisps reconcile the fact that refined sugar (which Cocoa Crisps are full of) is one of the main things that lays pillage to the immune system. Talk about hypocritical, misleading, and downright dubious messages. The people behind this product and countless others like it should be tarred, feathered, and dare I say it, shot.

  2. Cindy Klein November 5, 2009 at 1:49 pm #

    Good news! They’re not going to make these claims anymore. Yee haw!

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